Tuesday, October 27, 2009

i don't understand myself anymore..

i dont get it... why am i becoming so bitter over things and people?? i hate it.. it seems that there's something empty in me.. i dont know :( oh no please help me oh God to overcome this stupid feeling im feeling lately.. i dont want to be like this.. i badly need to re-assess my life.. i want to travel alone and be just with myself to see things clearly.. i need to go somewhere where i can just think and think about my life and my future.. what is it that i really want and need??? i really dont know :(

Sunday, October 25, 2009

its never easy...

Last Saturday, October 24, 2009, me and asi friends went to liloan to go fishing and to celebrate the birthday of dario-san and joey-san. It was really, really fun. The weather was great, the food was great and not to mention many :P, the people were great.. of course, nothing compares to those teenager-like guys :))

The day ended so well. I never thought that's how much ive missed those people, the laughter we shared is beyond compare.. :) That was a great day indeed.. though we have grown in a way or another still we are always sharing that jokes and those conversations that even others might think to be skanky.. (so corny and skanky, u know :P), but we dont really care at all.. we dont give a damn... :P

With that experience, ive realized that it is never easy to fish.. its never easy to stay up in the sun and wait for a fish to get hooked. so its not really easy to be a fisherman.. though that's not the only way to fish still it's never easy. hehehe..

And another realization is that its neither easy to be a fish, imagine people throw food just to get you allured and then try to pull you up with that very annoying hook.. :P

So its never easy to be living in this world but its worth the thrill and the experience... my utmost thank you to all :)

Monday, October 19, 2009

thoughts just thoughts..

christmas is coming.. yes its coming.. i can feel the cool breeze of the season..
now i am thinking how did i spend the year? have i spent it the way i should?
have i grown maturely? OMG.. i think i am still the old rowena.. so naive and immature..
though i have my learnings but still they did not contribute much.. :(

Sunday, October 18, 2009

am i?

here i am wondering what is this
but i could not quite comprehend yet
i am not sure if am ready to get hurt
coz for sure in the end this gonna hurt me like crazy :(

so for now, i would lift this to the one above
im secure and quite sure he has plans
whether this feeling is right or not
in time i will know..

i just need to trust his mighty power to act upon..
so for now im letting go of whatever is this.. >:D<

nothing but something to share..

actually i have nothing in mind to write about.. but i just want to write something here.. :P
currently, im listening to 1234 song by plain white.. i kinda love the song you know.. :D
there are so many things in my mind right now.. one thing is have i really let go of that guy? am i really ready to befriend him? am i really okay as in okay with the break up? am i ready to fall in love again?hahaha.. i think i am.. hahahaha.. and i think im in love..
im in love with my family, my nephew and neice, my friends, the things around me.. :D im soooooooooooo in love now..
im even inlove with the things happening around the country for it shows how it is to be a Filipino.. and how it is to love one another.. this thing that happened is a wake up call for all of us guys... its time for us to care for the environment again..
we must do something to help conserve mother earth even in our own little way..
i am even wondering if there is an organization where we can help plant trees and stuff..
i would really love to join one..
Its time for us to join and help restore the place we are living.. >:D<

Friday, October 16, 2009

i hate it!!!

i hate it when father asks me if he could bring his not so likable wife home..
isn't that obvious i don't like her?
she is the very reason i moved out a year ago.. then now she's coming back? oh my!!!
i don't wanna see her face, it makes me sick..
i see and feel things father cant that's why i never really liked her since..
i don't like the idea that woman stays in the home my mother and father built..
can they not get the cue? isn't that hard to understand???
and if ever that plan be pushed through, i guess i'll be looking for a place to live in again.. :D

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


when i was young, i told myself that i would only have one boyfriend and that one man would eventually be my husband. thats one of the reasons, i never entertained guys during college.. though i didn't also have much suitors (hehehe..) and another thing is guys see me as one of them.. they never see the lady in me.. poor them.. hahaha..

then one day, an officemate introduced him to me.. this officemate told me that this guy had noticed me already but i was not giving him attention. (i could not even remember seeing him at the next building which i usually visit).so that was what happened.. when i finally got to know him, i saw something in his eyes and the way he smiles and that made me think that he is the one.. i really don't know why but at that very moment, i felt that. its just weird..

after the introduction, the guy is frequently visiting our office though i did not know if thats the same count as before. then one day he asked for my number, the officemate (the bridge) gave him. so eventually we dated and the rest is history.

now that its over, i've realized that one could not just say to only have one boyfriend in a lifetime.. that thing happened in order for me to be prepared for my great true love.. :D for me to know the dos and donts of a great relationship.. looking forward to that.. :)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

it never was..

life may not always be what we wanted..but it will always be what is necessary. at times we may wonder all the whys in the world but only if we just trust the One above all those whys will be answered not be in that very moment but in time. i'm in a difficult aspect in life that i often wonder how the others got through with it that fast and easy.. little did i know that they too felt the way i feel now. they just showed it in a different form and handled it nicely. last night i promise would be the last time i would be affected by it.. its time for me to move forward yes forward. i will not look back anymore, those what ifs are now answered. so there is nothing left for me to do except run.. yes run!. someone told me that he is not worthy of my time and that someone is right.. it was not my fault it never was.. (defensive but true :P).

Monday, October 12, 2009

for the good and bad times..

just want to say thank u guys for being there when i was experiencing one of the most difficult moments in life.. thank u for helping me get over it, thank you for being the shoulders to cry on.. thank u for lending your ears and hear all the stupid outbursts.. words may not be enough to let you know how grateful i am.. but i really really am grateful. >:D<

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

after a year...

it's been a year since you walked away and chose to follow your dreams.. i really thought that we could make it through in spite of the distance but sad to say that all things have an ending..

what if i did not let you walk away? would you and i be still together?
what if i chose to trust you? would you not hurt me again?
what if i did not let go? would u hold me tight?...

so many what ifs but we could not bring back the time and the trust that has been broken is not easy to regain..

it is hard seeing you walked away but its even harder seeing you happy with someone else.

i know we have done our part to make this work and i know the best thing for me to do is move forward and live a life without you.. but after doing almost everything, its still you that i need and want.. you are still my reason to smile.. you are still my very reason for everything.. maybe in time.. in time i will be okay.. in time..

thank you and i am sorry for every wrong i've done to you and to the relationship we once had..