missing someone

The sad thing about missing someone is we don't even know if that someone misses us too. Well I do really miss you, as always. But I am tired of feeling this pain over and over again. So I am pulling myself back up. And I am sorry but I just want you to know that I still believe in you. Its you I believe and I don't care what other people has to say about you. I don't even care if how many times I get hurt for feeling this way. I am pathetic, guess I am. I have heard that from my best friend and I get that but you're the one who told me to keep it real so I am keeping this real, I like you as in a lot but I know I have to let go of this feeling for the obvious reason. So take care of yourself and if you're gonna do something stupid, sure I will be there to punch you in the face. I will always be your friend not because of the promise we've made but because I want to. :) 

you!

Call me crazy, stupid and dumb but its still you and I still choose you. What happened, happened and so be it. I don't want to pretend anymore that I got over you because honestly I have not. Maybe in time, in time. :) Though I am happy, I chose to be happy. But at the end of the day, I still think about you and its still you. 

Its better this way.. :)

I have thrown all the quotes/letters i have made for you.
Does this mean that I am really moving forward?
I really hope so. :)

If I believed

If I believed - Patti Austin

If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I must be there
I'd swear I must be there right now with you
If I believed in miracles
I'd know that one was happening to me
But if I don't believe in paradise
Then miracles aren't real
Then someone tell me what is this I feel

I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I can't deny
if I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there

If I believed in magic spells
It all would be so clear
'Cause magic spells must have brought you here
If I could see the future
I'd see if you and I were meant to be
But I dont know any magic
And tomorrow's just a dream
But something in this fantasy is real

I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I cant deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there

I'm there
I'm there
If I believed.

--Listening to this song makes me wanna cry. Especially the chorus part.
Yes, I want to believe that its love and my heart is not telling me a lie.
But sometimes its just so hard to trust my heart after all that has happened.
And I am also not that confident in us anymore :(

?

So confused and I don't know why. :( 

reward! :)

 

Omg! Now I am officially broke. :( Just spend around too much on something, hopefully it will be worth it. Then again I have thought about this for so long now and besides I have worked hard on the past few weeks, so its time for me to reward myself. yey!

hoping

There is this line from a song of "My Jason" that goes something like this "I'm gonna keep on hopin' that one day you'll be mine.. ". Looking back at the phrase, how i wish i can keep on hoping but for me its the opposite. I am not hoping anymore or shall i say I dont want to hope anymore.. so the line for me goes something like this "I'm gonna keep on hopin' that one day I will be completely over you." You're making it so hard for me and I just can't tell you that, so I want this so called "us" (though in reality there is no really us just you and me) be over and done.